"A secret hatred developed in my heart" When I was a boy, my parents ran a foster home for about 20 kids. During that time I was abused by a foster brother. I didn't this with anyone. Although I was only 9 years old, a secret hatred developed in my heart that eventually spread toward all the foster kids. I resented having to share my Mom & Dad with all of these "mean kids". Even though I had prayed to become a Christian at church, I feared that I hadn't done it right & that if I died I wuould go to hell. I prayed repeatedly to become a Christian but never had any assurance or peace. In March 1977 I got into a fight with one of my foster brothers. After being sent to my room and awaiting my punishment, I opened my bible in hope tha my Dad wouldn't give me a whipping. He loved Jesus & I thought reading the bible might get me out of a spanking. My bible fell open to 1 John. I began to read & couldn't believe how it spoke to my secret hatred. It said, "If anyone says, "I am living in the light," but hates his brother or sister, that person is still in darkness. Such a person is lost, having been blinded by the darkness. Anyone who hates another is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don't have eternal life within them. If anyone says, "I love God," but hates a brother or sister, that person is a liar, for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen? After reading these verses I realized how desperately I needed Jesus to change my heart. I no longer simply wanted to avoid hell & go to heaven - I wanted Jesus to change me & take over my life. Later that night I shared with my Dad what I had read & he knelt with me beside my bed. He told me to simply say to Jesus what was in my heart. I said, "Jesus please forgive me, please take over my life, I give it to you". (I didn't get a spanking either). Suddenly all my hatred was gone. I even felt compassion and love for these foster kids. And I had a peace. Those feelings never changed. Today, many years later, I still love people - even total strangers. I have no fear of death. I am sure I'm going to heaven when I die & I want to take as many people with me as possible. No other religion appeals to me, when I found Jesus (or He found me), my appetite for spiritual truth was completely satisfied. Several years later, I felt God's call on my life to be a pastor and I ran from that calling. I told God that I would not become a preacher. (It sounds funny to say this now) I joined the Air Force & was stationed in Germany for 3 years. During this time I did every imaginable bad thing a young man could possibly do. I was eventually discharged from the Air Force for drugs and shortly after returning home I suffered a nervous breakdown. One night stands out during this time. I remember lying in bed & feeling hopeless and I began to cry...I was completely heart-broken. In that moment of despair I remembered a story I had heard as a teenager, maybe you've heard too. A shepherd was tending his sheep in Israel. He had one little lamb that continued to go astray. Time after time he would go after the lost lamb but every time he turned his back it would wander away again. One day the shepherd took the little lamb into his arms...and broke its leg. Immediately he reset the broken leg as best he could and wrapped it tightly to ensure that it would heal. He then picked the lamb up and gently placed it across his shoulders around his neck. He carried the lamb everywhere the flock went. When it was hungry, he fed it and when it was thirsty he cupped his own hands and provided cool water to drink. Several weeks later, the shepherd knew the leg had healed and he placed the lamb back on the ground. The lamb never left his side again. That lamb had forgotten the pain, all it could remember was that the shepherd had met its every need. As I remembered that story, I heard Jesus speak internally to me. He said, "Phillip, you're that little lamb. I didn't want to break you but you kept wandering away from Me and the world is a dangerous place for one of My sheep to be all alone". I re-surrendered everything and He changed my life. If you've read this far, maybe the Lord is speaking to you about your life. Do you realize God loves you? He sent His Son to die for every sin you will ever commit. He will forgive you and change everything if you will acknowledge you are a sinner and turn from your sins to receive Jesus Christ into your life. PRAY- "Lord, I'm a sinner. I am so sorry for my sins and I ask You to forgive me. I receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and my Savior by faith and I will do what You want for my life from this moment on. In Jesus' name. Amen." I challenge you to write out your story now and give it to others. There are four elements: (1) My life before Christ. (2) How I realized I needed God. (3) How I was introduced To Jesus. (4) My life now that I am a Christian. 1 Peter 3:15 says, "always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear..." Thanks for reading my story - Pastor Phillip Frensley
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